Art. It can be beautiful, vile; heck, it can practically be anything. But no matter what it is, it all has one morbid thing in common. When the artist dies, the art goes up in value. The same goes for swag. An item given out at a convention one day, could become a collector’s item the next if its company goes out of business. And you’d be surprised how often the swag outlasts the company.

HD-DVD – Good god. Where do you start? The whole point, the whole big selling point of HD-DVD that made it superior to Blu-ray was you could have a movie in both DVD and HD-DVD format on the same disk. Don’t have an HD-DVD player yet? No problem! Go ahead and buy the movies now. They’ll work in your current DVD player, and when you do finally get your long awaited HD-DVD player, you’ll already have a home library ready to go! Did the studio’s do this? Nope! The number one ace they had up their sleeve and they didn’t play it. In fact, even though HD-DVD was cheaper to produce, they still sold it at the same price as Blu-Ray (and still without the backwards compatible DVD content). HD-DVD was supposed to be the technology that was easier to transition to. It had the best, self explanatory name, potential backwards compatibility, the ability to be cheaper, and they used... NONE OF IT (okay, maybe the name). HD-DVD deserved to lose the format war, and sadly not because of the people who designed it, but because of the people licensed it. As with DIVX in the late 90’s (the disc format, not the codec), HD-DVD titles and players can now be found at rock bottom prices everywhere.

Perpetual Entertainment – In the game industry there are few genres that can match the sheer mass of content necessary for a full-blown massively multiplayer online role playing game (mmorpg). Perpetual Entertainment for years had been developing “Gods & Heroes: Rome Rising”. The game’s reception was astounding, winning several “Best of Show” awards at E3 in 2006. That same year, the game also entered its closed beta phase, indicating that it was nearing completion and release. Then in late 2007, without warning, Perpetual ceased all development on “Rome Rising” claiming their desire to focus on the Star Trek MMO that they were developing as well. Then, only weeks later, they announced they were ceasing development on that project too. This might not have been as shocking if it weren’t for the fact that “Rome Rising” was all but finished, ready to enter a market where players would gladly pay $15 a month to play it. Today, “Rome Rising” t-shirts can still be found along with countless pre-order boxes still sitting on the shelves at your local Best Buy.

Pets.com – Remember the super-bowl ad? That should tell you just how much money this company was willing to spend on advertising. And what was at the center of this immense marketing campaign? A sock puppet. Besides its spot during the super-bowl, the Pets.com sock puppet was even a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Unfortunately, Pets.com was destined to fail. Far too much money was ear-marked from the start for marketing. The hype was built. The company was made public. The stock spiked. The original investors then sold out, and in doing so effectively killed the company. Pets.com never had a chance. It was a exercise in using hype to predictably affect the stock market. Clever, but a shame that a fledgling company that could have been big was killed in the process. Replicas of Pets.com’s cute, little sock puppet can still be found for sale to this day.

 
Kozmo.com – The ability to have anything delivered in under an hour with no delivery fee. Well, maybe not ANYTHING, but Kozmo.com did offer the ability to order batteries, a movie, dinner, and beer all with one call. The problem unfortunately was that Kozmo.com had it wrong. The founders, Joseph Park and Yong Kang believed that the money they saved by not needing store-fronts would more than offset the cost of delivery. This was not the case, however, as the company would shutter in only three years. That was in 2001, and to this day one can still find Kozmo.com courier bags for sale. If you can get your hands on one, they’re actually quite nice (and large).

Netscape – It’s never polite to gloat. Funny? Yes. Wise? Maybe not. But when your competition is Microsoft, it’s definitely not wise. And this is exactly what Netscape did. A veritable “Har-Har!” in Bill Gates face when Netscape’s IPO took off . Only thing was, Microsoft wasn’t even racing them... yet. At the time of Netscape’s release, Microsoft was completely buried in development of Windows 95, a huge leap in their golden goose of an operating system. When Windows 95 was finished though, Microsoft climbed out of the mud to find Netscape still laughing at them. Netscape’s market-share would be completely crushed soon after. In March of 2008, with only a 1% marketshare left, Netscape’s current owner, AOL, ceased all official support thereby sounding the final death knell for Netscape. T-Shirts, iron-on patches, and all sorts of Netscape swag are still easy to find.

Enron – If there’s one company’s name that is synonymous with fraud it’s Enron. It began in the early 1990’s when the UnitedStates government deregulated the sale of electricity. This allowed companies like Enron to explode with growth. Enron would be voted “America’s Most Innovative Company” six times in a row by Fortune Magazine. It would all hit the fan, however, when in 2001 it was revealed that the majority of Enron’s revenue was due to special purpose entities, which allowed many of Enron’s debts and losses to not be reported. Enron would file for bankruptcy, executives would go to jail, and one of the largest accounting firms in the world, Arthur Andersen, would almost be completely dissolved. Enron golf shirts can still be bought today, but the ultimate piece of Enron swag is definitely the large crooked E’s found outside their buildings; one of which sold recently for $40,000.

Webvan – “The Super Market that Delivers!” Good idea. Vons and other markets do it today. So why did it take Webvan over $800,000,000 to get the idea off the ground? The amount of money they had was ludicrous, and because of that they felt no need to be careful with it. Overextending itself, Webvan would collapse in just a few short years. Webvan did leave, however, of the most curious swag items of all, grocery bags. Webvan paper grocery bags can still be found to this day, and for those who keep these types of bags around (we all know someone who does), they’re not only useful, but an item of curiosity.

 
The swag of failed companies stand as relics, testaments to what can go wrong even in the most powerful and well funded of companies. Some people keep these items of swag as a laugh, others as a conversation piece. But the wisest of those collectors keep them as a reminder, a warning to not make the same mistakes and create their own example of the swag outlasting the company.

Some pillow fights are better left indoors while others are taken to the streets. The third annual 2008 San Francisco Pillowfight brought out hundreds of pillow-swinging warriors to battle it out in Justin Herman Plaza on Feb 14th. To be sure, there was no feather left unturned.

 
Turn Your Teeth Into Money Recipe

You will need:
1 freshly pulled baby tooth
1 tooth fairy pillow
1 big pillow
Bed

 
Directions:
Insert tooth inside tooth fairy pillow. Place tooth fairy pillow under your big pillow. Sleep in bed.

Wake up. Open up tooth fairy pillow. Find money in place of tooth.

Now our pillows are moonlighting as major brand ambassadors. After a hard day of making decisions at the office, who doesn’t need to sleep on breakfast options?  

When you’ve had enough fighting, advertising or changing teeth into money with your pillows, it may be time to invest in custom printed monkey transformer pillow. The three in one pillow transforms from pillow to animal with a simple pull of a tab. Now that’s some monkey business I can get down with!

In a climate where bein’ green has far exceeded the melancholic expression of a frog but rather embraces an environmentally conscious presence in the world, our paper cluttered offices are sure to be a thing of the past.  And for those seeking to clear their desks of clutter, there is the Magnetic Dry Erase Board complete with magnetic accessories:  stapler, stapler remover, paperclip dispenser, pen holder and storage for your non-magnetic items.  Just say, “No more,” to paper and move your desktop accessories to the wall. Imprint you company name on a good cause today.

Calling all trees, it’s safe to be green, we think.

Let’s face it, even the most conservative of us have to admit, “Sex sells.” Heck, it sells so well that even the saying, “Sex sells” has become cliché. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that a good majority of slogans, whether intentional or not, would go well slapped on the side of a prophylactic (or condom as the rest of us say).

Electronics – If there was an industry that already seems to have condom swag in mind it’s definitely electronics. Whether it be something almost romantic like General Electric’s, “We bring good thing’s to life”, or something downright blatant like Nokia’s, “Connecting People” you’ve got an industry practically screaming to have their slogans slapped on a rubber. Some, like Sony, obviously play to ones ego with, “like no other”, but the one that really takes the cake is Onida’s, “Neighbor’s Envy, Owner’s Pride.” Other electronics companies seem to have an exhibitionist slant to their slogans such as Ericsson’s, “Make Yourself Heard” or THX’s, “The Audience is Listening.” The pure zen award would definitely go to JVC for their fully and simply encompassing, “The Perfect Experience”.

Batteries – Battery slogans, if known for anything, are infamous for ridiculous double-entendres they use. Sure there’s  “The   one that lasts” from Duracell, and the one even your Grandma knows, “It keeps going and going and going...”, but if there’s one... just one that deserves the “oh my god” award, it’s Energizer Max with, “Do you have the bunny inside?” ...oh my god.

Video Game Consoles – The consistently randy company award definitely goes to Nintendo, who for over twenty years have been playing the double-entendre game starting with, “Now You’re Playing with Power”, followed by “Get N or Get Out”, then “Wii would like to play”. There tour-de-force, however, is the Nintendo DS with, “Touching is good.” Even Microsoft tried to copy their lead with, “Jump in” for the Xbox 360.

Finance – The modest girl secretly wearing a thong award goes to our boys in finance. These guys can be, well,  just plain  raunchy. “The difference is measurable” from Mellon Financial requires no explanation. They also come across as very eager to explore. Natwest’s, “Another way”, American Express’s “Do more”, and “Dare to Dream”, from the Bank of Baroda all come across as more than willing to hear your thoughts, because, well... If you tell them, they just might do it. The one who takes the cake in that regard though is definitely ANZ New Zealand’s, “The better we know you, the more we can do!” Generally speaking though, all financial institutions are at least eager to please, whether it be Deutshe Bank’s, “A Passion to Perform”, “First, for you”, from the Royal Bank of Canada, or Goldman Sachs straight forward, “Our Clients always come first”. Word replacement is the other favored modus-operandi of our financial friends. Union Bank of India’s, “Good people to bank with” , TD Canada Trust’s “Banking can be this comfortable”, and “Enjoy better banking” from RBS all beg the question, “Are they really talking about banking?” My personal favorite however is Captial, simply because at first glance it seems as if it wouldn’t work on a rubber, but hey, “What’s in your wallet?”

 
Fashion – For fashion it’s almost too easy. Heck some of these slogans really were made to be put on condoms. But a few just have to be mentioned, or this list wouldn’t be worth the desktop space it was written on. Slogans like Timex’s “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking”, or Nike’s “Just do it” scream for a rubber campaign. How could anyone deny Playtex Bras’s, “It lifts and separates”?

Food – Food and sex have gone hand in hand since the time of cavemen, which makes this another industry where it’s almost too easy. Could the marketer’s of Campbell’s soup really have been that innocent when they came up with, “M’m M’m Good!” Even the tamer ones like Eggo Waffles’s, “Leggo my Eggo!” or Smuckers’s “With a name like Smuckers... it has to be good”, beg a double-entendre. But the one that takes the cake in the food industry is without a doubt Pringles with, “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!”

No matter how innocent or as far from the bedroom the industry in question may seem, the universal truth still remains, “Sex Sells”. And while this may currently be a list of slogans that SHOULD be on condoms, it’s not hard to believe this will someday be a list of slogans that ARE on condoms.

Happy Fun Disclaimer: Suffice to say, this article is a comedic parody and none of the images are of real products .  All slogans are trademarks of their respective companies.  Please don't sue us; we're good people.

According to the online bible of facts, April Fool’s Day, while not an official holiday, is celebrated in several countries. The origins of the custom are a matter of debate but they are surely connected to festivals and customs held in early spring. Kompai! Cheers! Salud! It’s time to get your practical joke on.

Recently, a friend of mine told me about an office prank involving the IT team and a promotional talking cow shaped stress reliever. The night before April Fools’ Day, the code-crew were working late and ended up a bit punchy. They locked up all the office computers with the following screen saver:

Prankly my dear, this is just eye candy:

I recently started a grass-board of my very own here at the office to harvest my own home grown; that’s wheat grass ya’all.

Class in now in session: excellent use of white space.