Let’s face it, even the most conservative of us have to admit, “Sex sells.” Heck, it sells so well that even the saying, “Sex sells” has become cliché. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that a good majority of slogans, whether intentional or not, would go well slapped on the side of a prophylactic (or condom as the rest of us say).

Electronics – If there was an industry that already seems to have condom swag in mind it’s definitely electronics. Whether it be something almost romantic like General Electric’s, “We bring good thing’s to life”, or something downright blatant like Nokia’s, “Connecting People” you’ve got an industry practically screaming to have their slogans slapped on a rubber. Some, like Sony, obviously play to ones ego with, “like no other”, but the one that really takes the cake is Onida’s, “Neighbor’s Envy, Owner’s Pride.” Other electronics companies seem to have an exhibitionist slant to their slogans such as Ericsson’s, “Make Yourself Heard” or THX’s, “The Audience is Listening.” The pure zen award would definitely go to JVC for their fully and simply encompassing, “The Perfect Experience”.

Batteries – Battery slogans, if known for anything, are infamous for ridiculous double-entendres they use. Sure there’s  “The   one that lasts” from Duracell, and the one even your Grandma knows, “It keeps going and going and going...”, but if there’s one... just one that deserves the “oh my god” award, it’s Energizer Max with, “Do you have the bunny inside?” ...oh my god.

Video Game Consoles – The consistently randy company award definitely goes to Nintendo, who for over twenty years have been playing the double-entendre game starting with, “Now You’re Playing with Power”, followed by “Get N or Get Out”, then “Wii would like to play”. There tour-de-force, however, is the Nintendo DS with, “Touching is good.” Even Microsoft tried to copy their lead with, “Jump in” for the Xbox 360.

Finance – The modest girl secretly wearing a thong award goes to our boys in finance. These guys can be, well,  just plain  raunchy. “The difference is measurable” from Mellon Financial requires no explanation. They also come across as very eager to explore. Natwest’s, “Another way”, American Express’s “Do more”, and “Dare to Dream”, from the Bank of Baroda all come across as more than willing to hear your thoughts, because, well... If you tell them, they just might do it. The one who takes the cake in that regard though is definitely ANZ New Zealand’s, “The better we know you, the more we can do!” Generally speaking though, all financial institutions are at least eager to please, whether it be Deutshe Bank’s, “A Passion to Perform”, “First, for you”, from the Royal Bank of Canada, or Goldman Sachs straight forward, “Our Clients always come first”. Word replacement is the other favored modus-operandi of our financial friends. Union Bank of India’s, “Good people to bank with” , TD Canada Trust’s “Banking can be this comfortable”, and “Enjoy better banking” from RBS all beg the question, “Are they really talking about banking?” My personal favorite however is Captial, simply because at first glance it seems as if it wouldn’t work on a rubber, but hey, “What’s in your wallet?”

 
Fashion – For fashion it’s almost too easy. Heck some of these slogans really were made to be put on condoms. But a few just have to be mentioned, or this list wouldn’t be worth the desktop space it was written on. Slogans like Timex’s “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking”, or Nike’s “Just do it” scream for a rubber campaign. How could anyone deny Playtex Bras’s, “It lifts and separates”?

Food – Food and sex have gone hand in hand since the time of cavemen, which makes this another industry where it’s almost too easy. Could the marketer’s of Campbell’s soup really have been that innocent when they came up with, “M’m M’m Good!” Even the tamer ones like Eggo Waffles’s, “Leggo my Eggo!” or Smuckers’s “With a name like Smuckers... it has to be good”, beg a double-entendre. But the one that takes the cake in the food industry is without a doubt Pringles with, “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!”

No matter how innocent or as far from the bedroom the industry in question may seem, the universal truth still remains, “Sex Sells”. And while this may currently be a list of slogans that SHOULD be on condoms, it’s not hard to believe this will someday be a list of slogans that ARE on condoms.To get your company slogan imprinted on a promotional condom today, check out our online resource for top promotional products. 

Happy Fun Disclaimer: Suffice to say, this article is a comedic parody and none of the images are of real products .  All slogans are trademarks of their respective companies.  Please don't sue us; we're good people.